dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
