You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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