Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
