Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
