carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
