i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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