I think my vagina is haunted
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
