if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
