just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
