Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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