Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
