you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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