This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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