My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
