the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
