oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
