Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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