Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
