so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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