I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
