she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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