1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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