i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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