member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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