I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
