Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
