You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
