is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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