Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
