There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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