we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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