she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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