My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
