"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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