I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
