I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
