So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
