mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
