When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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