that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Houston, we have a squirter
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
