Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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