Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
