If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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