he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I smell like Dick and happiness
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