Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
