i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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