also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
