i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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