Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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