not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
