you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
