Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
