Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
